Navigating the Choppy Waters of Conflict Resolution

thePoint
November 29, 2004

"It seems that every time I follow up with Mary on something I've delegated, there's resistance," moaned Ellen, an exasperated manager. "Rather than accepting that I'm now her manager, I think Mary feels as though she's in competition with me. My team leader [Bob] just tells me to deal with it."

Does this situation sound familiar?

We tend to view conflict as something that suddenly happens, so we typically wait until the incident occurs before addressing it. Conflict means "to be in opposition." It often creates the mental image of two individuals standing eyeball to eyeball, glaring and shouting at each other, having passed the point where either is willing to budge from their position. No wonder studies show that most adults avoid conflict like the plague.

“Fight or flight” seem to be the norm when it comes to conflict resolution. The problem with both is that nothing really gets resolved.

To effectively resolve conflict, we first need to understand what causes us "to be in opposition." The reality is that people bring their unique values, experiences, ambitions, and personalities to the office every day. Managed right, this mix can produce innovative ideas and create a more flexible team environment. But the potential for opposition also lurks beneath the surface, waiting for an incident to occur that will place those differences "in conflict." Conflict doesn't suddenly occur; it emerges.

Compete or Avoid

In Ellen's case, a classical approach to dealing with emerging conflict was occurring. It's actually called competing. She was focused on asserting her position and influence to achieve the desired results. This can easily turn into a "win/lose" proposition. There is one situation, however, where this approach is appropriate—in an emergency when you're absolutely certain you're right!

Teams might disagree on division of labor and ways to serve members, and discussion of these issues can lead to productive ways to improve. When a member is complaining, however, the team leader might need to assert his or her authority to do the "right thing" for that moment.

As noted above, avoiding is probably the most common strategy. In Ellen's case, Bob (her team leader) was avoiding the problem. "Don't get me involved, you handle it" was essentially his response. When conflict does emerge, there are actually times when this approach is warranted:

When it involves a trivial matter that isn't important at the time, you might choose to simply ignore it

When tempers flare and people need to cool down, you might want to table it until later The critical issue is that in each competing and avoiding instance described, the differences that briefly surfaced are still there, waiting to emerge once again and disrupt the normal flow of things.

There is a better way. Collaborating is the third and more effective strategy for dealing with conflict. Unlike the other two, collaborating has its greatest application before conflict emerges.

Collaborate Before Conflict Emerges

Collaborating combines assertiveness with cooperation, and it only works when everyone agrees to that principle. In Bob's case, a little pre-work on his part with some hands-on follow-up could have prevented the conflict. That's why it must become the normative way for people to discuss differences and solve problems, especially in a team setting. Everyone needs to be encouraged to master the following:

Think before reacting. When someone says something, don't ever assume they have an opinion that's totally different from yours. Instead, assume that you probably agree on at least some aspects of what they said. Instead of reacting, simply say, "That's interesting, tell me more."

Actively listen. Listen carefully to their words and level of enthusiasm. Watch their energy level and body language. Ask for any needed clarification, and encourage them to keep talking.

Assert your views. When they've finished, it's your turn. Match their enthusiasm and energy level, but don't surpass it. Work hard to make certain everyone understands what you're trying to say. Ask, "Is there anything I have said that isn't clear?"

Look first for common ground. Listen for areas of agreement, and point them out before moving to areas of disagreement.

Turn disagreements into problems to be solved rather than points of irresolvable conflict. Keep disagreements out of the "good vs. bad" category. The ultimate goal when you disagree is to find a solution that you can both accept. It's called consensus. It happens when everyone believes they have had ample opportunity to express their views and, in the process, have found an alternative they can accept. In fact, suggest that goal to the group, and ask them to keep at it until the goal is achieved.

Collaborating When Conflict Emerges

Ellen was eventually able to get Bob and the entire team involved to collaborate in resolving their conflict. If you work hard at collaborating before conflict emerges, however, it will seem like the most natural strategy to use when (and if) conflict does surface. When conflict does emerge, you need to turn the above principles into a more formal process.

Describe the facts of the situation. Stress that you only want the "facts" to describe what's happening. Ask the group to keep their emotions out of the discussion as much as possible. It's important to keep working on describing the facts until everyone agrees that the description is accurate.

Determine why the situation exists. Ask everyone for their thoughts on why the situation exists. Ask them not to evaluate each other's ideas. An effective way to do that is to write those ideas on a flipchart, tearing off the sheets and taping them to the wall as they're filled. This keeps everyone focused on the flipchart and what's being written rather than on each other. · Brainstorm possible solutions. Point out that the purpose of a solution should be to eliminate what's causing the problem. Ask them to explain how the solution(s) they're recommending will eliminate the "why" statements on the flipchart.

Select one or more solutions and create an action plan. The action plan should state what will be done, who will do it, and when it will be completed. As solutions are suggested, state them in those terms. If you will look back over the collaborative strategy, both before and after conflict emerges, you'll see that conflict can serve to energize a team. It's there, and it needs to be managed rather than avoided in hopes that it will simply go away. It won't!

A line from Shakespeare's Othello says, "I understand a fury in your words, but not the words." Conflict resolution will always boost performance. Left unattended, it will become a performance cancer. Don't let that happen on your watch.

Matt Oechsli is president of the Oechsli Institute in Greensboro, North Carolina. Contact him at 800-883-6582. This article was first published by The Point for Credit Union Research and Advice at thepoint.cuna.org and is reprinted with permission.